I thought the transition from two to three kids was going to take me down mentally and physically when I thought of the day Sylvie would arrive. Maybe it’s because going from one child to two was like whiplash as my first two are so close together. One day I was cuddling my son as he was hitting the 18 month mark and just a few months later my daughter came along. I found myself chasing after a highly active boy with a newborn in a car seat that was slung under my wrist. Even if I wore her on me I still had to chase a small boy while nursing and recovering from labor. I remember how scared I felt when Matt returned to work full-time and I was left in the house, outnumbered, by two little humans.
I thought that surely three would bring the type of chaos that drives women to develop a bad prescription pill problem and causes their homes to wreak of the ubiquitous soiled nappy. To my surprise the chaos hasn’t been much of an issue. What I have noticed is that I really don’t have much time for anything. I can be in the middle of cutting a sandwich in half and literally have to put it down mid slice because the screaming baby has to be held. Some days my laundry makes it to the front door (apartment living=laundry room) and just sits there until I get a chance to start it.
My most obvious sign that I have so little time these days is the fact that I haven’t written much even if I feel like I have a lot to say. I’d like to write just to vent or to heal. Gardening and writing were always my outlet once I was at home with babies. It’s not that it’s been taken from me as much as I’ve chosen to put other things first. I do however miss the process; writing (similar to journaling) to search for an answer or to prove to myself that my life is amazing. I’m sort of a verbal processor so if I can’t talk it out I need to write it out. I am also my worst critic and usually feel I’m not doing a good job at this ‘mommy’ thing. When I write I can see that I, in fact, am giving it my best and there is movement in terms of how my kids are developing.
When we moved to Washington my son started to really struggle with his attitude. I think it was all of the transition. For a boy who doesn’t transition well this might have been a bit traumatizing for him. Within less than a year we sold our home and said goodbye to the only place he’s ever known. We waved away all of our friends and moved into a much smaller living space with no garden to play in. He now shares a room with his sister and is making all new friends. We then had a baby and I put him in Kindergarten for 2.5 hours a day. Oh, the poor boy!
So since I haven’t been writing about our journey together I am unable to see where I am doing well with him and where I need to work through how I parent him. Basically I’m feeling a bit like a failure. It’s funny how the writing actually helped me step back and evaluate my efforts. The photos I posted went so well into my themed post that I could sit back with a sigh of accomplishment. I’m being honest in saying that the comments left have also been healing and have spurred me onto being a better mom. Funny how encouragement will do that; make you want to be more!
These days I have time to read to kids (some days even that doesn’t happen), make sure they aren’t wearing stinky clothes, bathe their bodies (although that too doesn’t always happen as much as it should), and feed them food that won’t make their teeth fall out someday. I’m also enjoying my new little girl something awful. There’s something about having a baby this time around. I’m more relaxed, choosing to enjoy her more. That’s about all I have time for these days. Keep stopping by. I love the company!