The Difference Three Can Make

 

Oliver and Chloe reading to Sylvie

 

I thought the transition from two to three kids was going to take me down mentally and physically when I thought of the day Sylvie would arrive. Maybe it’s because going from one child to two was like whiplash as my first two are so close together. One day I was cuddling my son as he was hitting the 18 month mark and just a few months later my daughter came along. I found myself chasing after a highly active boy with a newborn in a car seat that was slung under my wrist. Even if I wore her on me I still had to chase a small boy while nursing and recovering from labor. I remember how scared I felt when Matt returned to work full-time and I was left in the house, outnumbered, by two little humans.
I thought that surely three would bring the type of chaos that drives women to develop a bad prescription pill problem and causes their homes to wreak of the ubiquitous soiled nappy. To my surprise the chaos hasn’t been much of an issue. What I have noticed is that I really don’t have much time for anything. I can be in the middle of cutting a sandwich in half and literally have to put it down mid slice because the screaming baby has to be held. Some days my laundry makes it to the front door (apartment living=laundry room) and just sits there until I get a chance to start it.
My most obvious sign that I have so little time these days is the fact that I haven’t written much even if I feel like I have a lot to say. I’d like to write just to vent or to heal. Gardening and writing were always my outlet once I was at home with babies. It’s not that it’s been taken from me as much as I’ve chosen to put other things first. I do however miss the process; writing (similar to journaling) to search for an answer or to prove to myself that my life is amazing. I’m sort of a verbal processor so if I can’t talk it out I need to write it out. I am also my worst critic and usually feel I’m not doing a good job at this ‘mommy’ thing. When I write I can see that I, in fact, am giving it my best and there is movement in terms of how my kids are developing.
When we moved to Washington my son started to really struggle with his attitude. I think it was all of the transition. For a boy who doesn’t transition well this might have been a bit traumatizing for him. Within less than a year we sold our home and said goodbye to the only place he’s ever known. We waved away all of our friends and moved into a much smaller living space with no garden to play in. He now shares a room with his sister and is making all new friends. We then had a baby and I put him in Kindergarten for 2.5 hours a day. Oh, the poor boy!
So since I haven’t been writing about our journey together I am unable to see where I am doing well with him and where I need to work through how I parent him. Basically I’m feeling a bit like a failure. It’s funny how the writing actually helped me step back and evaluate my efforts. The photos I posted went so well into my themed post that I could sit back with a sigh of accomplishment. I’m being honest in saying that the comments left have also been healing and have spurred me onto being a better mom. Funny how encouragement will do that; make you want to be more!
These days I have time to read to kids (some days even that doesn’t happen), make sure they aren’t wearing stinky clothes, bathe their bodies  (although that too doesn’t always happen as much as it should), and feed them food that won’t make their teeth fall out someday. I’m also enjoying my new little girl something awful. There’s something about having a baby this time around. I’m more relaxed, choosing to enjoy her more. That’s about all I have time for these days. Keep stopping by. I love the company!

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8 thoughts on “The Difference Three Can Make

  1. thank you for sharing! I totally agree with you how I can also just enjoy my baby boy this time around in a way I never did with the other two. The cleaning can wait a day or two just so I can snuggle with him a little more =). I am totally sure of you being the best mom your kids could ever have. As long as your heart is right in the midst of it all, I think he gives you the love and patience you need. That is at least what I m experiencing. But time, no there is absolutely no time for myself so far!!!! Keep pressing in. It is all worth it. Blessings!

  2. It’s so good to hear that you are enjoying the little baby and alot more relaxed this time around. Remember, Jen thinks that you are an amazing mom- yes, I’m saying that in the “third person” for some reason:)

  3. Tracie…I’m almost positive you’re an amazing mom! The simple fact that you’re doing your best, that you’re being honest and that you are taking time to process/vent is a clear indication that you love your kids. Your blog is so inspiring and I hope to be a lot like you if and/or when I become a mother. Keep on keeping on, girl!

  4. sweet trace, wish we could sit on my couch and let our kiddos run rampant with creative, imaginative craziness and I could hold your little sylvie, Three is big, and precious, and daunting and overwhelming, and so much fun. You must be tired with such a young one, I remember when brielle was under 6 months old, I went a bit loopy from tiredness and yet now I am stretching to see the fun of three and the amazing variety of three little personalities so unique and beautiful. You children are so fortunate to have such a beautiful, mindful Mama. Big hugs!

    • Thanks Svea,
      It’s been a lot of fun. She’s just delightful. Oliver is doing better but he’s been quite the ride for us. I can’t believe how little time there is. I know it will settle soon….ish!

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