The tension

A friend of mine, whose blog and family I adore, recently posted my exact sentiments about wanting to write as a place to process, reflect, and update on my life with children yet feeling the time is so limited to do so. This has been my tension since Sylvie was born. We moved to the West coast eight months ago while I was in my last month of pregnancy and since then we’ve had our third child, I’ve taken a break from homeschooling my son to put him in part time Kindergarten, we recently bought a house and we still have yet to move all of our stuff into it. Don’t forget the holidays and three birthdays plus an anniversary. It’s been a full eight months. It’s been so busy that I’ve even been too busy to cook and I’ve opted for pre-made foods from Trader Joe’s. What is my life coming too?!!!

Still these transitions aren’t the largest zap of my time which is keeping me away from blogging. God knows I have a ton to say right now. There have been major life changes for me, some too personal to share in an online journal form, so I would love to write out what is going through my head these days but the biggest form of time-zap is my family. I’ve reached a place in my life (maybe “reaching a place” is a bit more accurate-I’m still in the process) where my family is the MOST important thing in my life and spending time with my kids is the way I want to invest my time. This is the main reason I’m not writing, I want to invest deeper into my kids because they need this with all of the transition in our lives. This is not to say that women who blog aren’t spending enough time with their kids. For some moms their children are older or they have kids with different needs than mine, allowing them a bit more free time to write.

Here lies my tension! I want to write because I feel I’ve learned more in the last few months than in the past few years but there just isn’t enough time in the day right now. Maybe when we move and get a bit sorted I’ll feel that I can give more time to my ruminations. I also started to invest more time into jewelry making in the evenings as a creative outlet and that has taken away  from writing, but if there is one thing I could communicate about these past few months it would be this: Family is the most important gift there is. Time is very fleeting. We get one go around so don’t waste time with mindless tasks that keep you busy but never accomplishing anything. Love! Yes, indeed….LOVE!

Oliver just turned 6 and I can’t believe his feet are so big and his body so grown up. He’s not a baby anymore, never again. Someday he will marry (I hope) and want a family of his own. Someday I’ll be a grandmother and that day will likely come closer than I would even realize. Someday my teeth will stop working as will my eyes and the changes will come to my body like a hurricane. Someday Matt and I will be no more and these days I’m not so concerned with the ‘legacy’ we leave behind as I am about the time we were given to love and create. So here we are in a very normal life with very normal activities but I’m very aware how extrordarinary our lives are while we are here.

Perhaps I’ll write more on this tomorrow….

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9 thoughts on “The tension

  1. amen amen amen and amen trace, wowo these thoughts are so close to my own as well. I have also seent he incredible need to BE with my kids, to Be WITH them and to be with THEM and not other things. such a stretching yet amazing time. blessings to you as you wakl the road, your little ones are the jewels along the way and i can tell you enjoy them thoroughly, wish we could have a true play date with our six =) we would be so outnumbered with sweetness. Big hugs

  2. Good job! Been there! I chose so many times to stay with the kids, now my youngest is 14! Cherish the memories now, and work hard at keeping myself available for just ‘one more’.

  3. A post!!! A post! hooray! I hope we get to hear more of that book that’s inside of you. But you’re right – family is really number one right now and they just NEED so much ALL the time, don’t they? And I don’t want to miss it or regret it, so gotta embrace it full on.

    • I think we’re both traveling the same road right now. A book inside me? Man, I feel I have so much to say and write but I would never know when I could write an entire book. Maybe a children’s book.

  4. Though I only have one child, I can relate. There are definitely things i want to do or get done or work on that I put aside so I can spend time with Sophie. It’s true that they are only the age they are for so long! I can’t believe Olivier is 6 now too! So big. Can’t wait to see you guys next month.

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