Poop!

Since having children I have had to literally touch more poop than I would even care to shake a wooden stick at. In fact I’d much rather touch poop with a wooden stick than with my hand. Alas, when you become a parent you find that there are those times when you will change a nappy, get some on your thumb and just have to shrug it off and wipe it on your pant leg. Meh…just poop. Then they get on solids and it tests gag reflexes you didn’t even know you had. Next they start to potty train and once again you’re dealing with poop and a stubborn toddler that likes to drop a deuce in their drawers just to show you who’s really in charge. “He who craps in pants at will gain much power!” I do believe there’s a fortune cookie out there with those truths inscribed.

 

Yesterday was one of those days with the kids where I found myself raising my voice more than usual, something I’m never proud of at the end of the day. I grew up with lots of shouting and emotion in my home and I’ve never wanted to get that frustrated with my kids. But here I am human and annoyed when my kids call my name out 742 times each day or start speaking and asking of me at the exact same moment when only moments previous there was silence. When it rains it pours, goes the old proverb.

 

Both of my kids peed and pooped (just a small amount, but still) in their trousers yesterday because they just couldn’t bear to be pulled away from Incredible Hulk figurines and a set of colourful Stack-a-doos. It happens but it was a waterfall of bodily fluid yesterday. I’m comforted by the fact that they will not be doing this forever. My son will not be crappin’ his pants when he’s on his first date, I’m certain of that. Still, right now I just get so exhausted when this happens to both of them just one right after the other. Ok, but that’s not where the story ends….

 

We were getting in the car to go to the library and as soon as we got out the back door Oliver bolted! He does that a lot, much to my frustration. It really bugs me that he still runs off and thinks it’s funny. I always deal with it when he does but he just never stops thinking it’s enjoyable. Yesterday I was tempted to drive off just a few houses down and when he ran up to the van I would play like I didn’t notice he was in the car. “Oh wow, bud. I guess you shouldn’t do that next time, eh?” I may have done it if he hadn’t turned the corner just as I was getting into the van. He did get an earful but I know he’ll do it again, especially when we have guests around. He’ll do it and I’ll feel like that sheepish parent with a unrulely child.

 

Off to the library we went. After we got into the car I opened the trunk and he said, “Look mama, I stepped in dog poop”. He showed me the back of the seat where he had put his little Star Wars shoe upon and kindly rubbed said shoe into the seat smearing light brown dog pooh into the gray upholstery. I gasped with my mouth open. Who wouldn’t? I could tell Oliver felt like he was going to get into trouble. I’m sure he told me thinking it was this interesting discovery that he wanted to let me in on. I didn’t not however think it was in the slightest way interesting or delightful. After dealing with two kids who both had accidents of both kinds in their shorts I was not prepared to deal with animal dung. The car began to fill up with the smell and it was an absolute fecal fest in the van. Did I mention it was also our first sunny day in a long time and the heat of the sun warmed up our van adding insult to injury? The worst part is that I just couldn’t bring myself to clean it up (yes, I know. Now YOU’RE gagging) but funnily enough it doesn’t smell in there anymore. Now I’m not saying I’m going to leave that mess in the car. I’m borrowing a friend’s mini wet-vac to deal with the poop properly. I just can’t believe how much a mom has to deal with poop on any given day.

 

That was yesterday. No accidents today….yet.

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9 thoughts on “Poop!

    • Oh my word. And even after I wrote this post my toilet has begun to overflow because my son clogged it whilst doing his business. We went out to the store to get an emergency plunger and found we have a flat tire. Now I must enlist a friend to come over and lend me a plunger. It never ends….

  1. This made me laughed so hard, I had to read it to John. He got a kick too! We completely identify. I purchased the Little Green Machine, it got quite a bit of use. But lately it has gotten dusty.

  2. I dont have kids, but I have taken care of old and young, and getting someone else’s poop on your hand NEVER get’s easy.
    Tracie, keep up the blogging. I LOVE your stories!

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